Dear Inner Circle,

Have you ever listened to three entirely unrelated conversations, all directed at you, at the same time? This is my occupational hazard. Such moments are most disarmingly absurd when one of the discussions reaches a point where some question is asked and I’m expected to make a response. Although all three men were sitting at the same table and all three were talking at top speed, no one was even vaguely aware that two other conversations were taking place at the same moment and all directed toward the one person, me. It seemed like this stream of disconnect could go on for a long time when suddenly I was shocked to hear one of these men directly address another, “You stole my phone you low life c***”. As the first bit of direct communication to happen at this table in thirty minutes, I was surprised. I wondered what kind of response person A could possibly be expecting from person B to whom he directed his allegation. Perhaps he was expecting, “Golly gosh you’re right. I stole your phone. Here it is.” Perhaps some direct communication that was a little less accusatory may have made a more useful approach. Alas, the response came back, “Don’t you call me a c***, you c***.”

You’ll be surprised to know that the above conversation escalated into a parallel universe of human contradiction. Both young men stood up and the volume rose as the content of the language sunk ever lower. You might not think there was much room for the tenor of the language to go down, but trust me, it did. “You’re accusing me of taking your phone, so let’s take this outside.” One man’s embodied contradiction was so profound that his arms extended backwards as if he was showing restraint while his chest was puffed forwards and used to confront and attack Mr A. In the complete miscommunication that followed, there was one moment revealing a capacity to think and be coherent. Mr A said, “And if we go outside and you beat my head in, it will only prove that you are a thief and a bully!” I felt like cheering out loud, not because I had any idea if anyone had stolen anything but because it was the one slice of communication that showed someone listened to someone and responded to what had been said. Cheering on my part at that moment might have destroyed the appearance of objectivity. Instead I said to Mr A, “If you “know” this man stole your phone, go to the police because you must have evidence. If you don’t have evidence, then you don’t know he stole your phone. You only have a hunch.” I told Mr B to, “Settle petal and go for a walk.” In fact I walked with him for a block to give him a chance to express his moral indignation at being accused of being a thief. It reminded me of the time when a young fellow ran into the café and came straight to me, yelling with the same kind of indignation, “Rev, there's thieves around here!” Definitely a funny moment.

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